she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
