guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
