You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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