Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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