Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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