They should really pass out barf bags in church
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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