one word: firstdatebathroomanal
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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