actually, I'm a sock model
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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