i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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