You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
