I got chris browned last night
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
