That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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