The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
