so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
