I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I wish you could order shots online.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
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I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
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please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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