I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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