I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Randomize
