i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
