he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
you will always have a special place in my vag
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
