i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
