we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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