His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
