Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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