She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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