ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
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My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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