You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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