I got chris browned last night
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
