Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
