It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
