if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
