bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
