So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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