sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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