Ambien. No doubt about it.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
