You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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