Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
