Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Randomize
