SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Randomize
