Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
