3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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