That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
