i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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