Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
