Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
