so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
