smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
You can't special order awesome
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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