New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I'm getting married
To pizza
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
