i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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