I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
