we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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