Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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