i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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