Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
