Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
it's great music for shaving your balls
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
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