you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
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