she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Randomize
