everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
