When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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