I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
