He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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