in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
