I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
You need a sexual gate keeper
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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