If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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