Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
