If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
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Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize